The Shinobi Heaven
by NUMA-WAFFLE
Summary: What is the after life like for people who kill and protect the innocent. The mighty shinobi, most of the ninja world seems to die in seconds, and this is their stories, and what they are doing now.
1. Chapter 1

A story i wrote because so many shinobi have died, Haku, Zabuza, most of the Akatsuki, Jiraiya the mighty perverted toad hermit. The first chapter gives you an overview of the ninja worlds ideas of heaven and gives you the real ninja heaven.

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Shinobi Heaven. Chapter 1. The basics. 

When one dies in the shinobi world the common idea is two places. A bright, fluffy, feathery, cloudy, peaceful wonderland filled with angles. The other is a burning, painful, agonizing, fiery pit of doom filled of tormented souls. Both of these ideas are horribly wrong, the real after life is much better, or much worse, depending on how you lived. Say you were the kind of person that made everyone's lives miserable, killed hundreds, Riga for one, imagine all the people he killed meeting him again, not good. Sarutobi on the other hand would be joined by all the people he cared about, and the people he defended Konoha from. All the currently living inhabitants of the ninja world think that the two locations were right, yet as Zabuza started to float up instead of going down, he became exceedingly happy, for he would be with his only friend Haku.

"Eternity won't seem so bad now, Haku I'm sorry that I treaded you so badly all these years, can you forgive me?"

"You took me in, off the streets, gave me food, shelter, and you trained me, let me use my abilities to protect you, I can't be angry at you for that. I would have died as a child if it wasn't for you."

Yet some don't fine peace, Kakuzu had lived for an extremely long time, killing bounties, innocents and friends, so many dead enemies, he knew about the state of the afterlife, this could have been the main reason for staying alive so long. Thousands of shinobi and civilians all waiting to get revenge, although you cannot die again in this world, you still feel pain.

Because of the nature of his eternity he was never seen again after first appearing, speculation is that he is hiding in some remote location.

Minato Namikaze the savior of Konoha, the fourth Hokage, loved by all, he found the loving embrace of all the former Konoha inhabitants, and yet could not find his wife Kushina Uzumaki, who no one had seen for quite some time, her current mortality status is unknown.

Deidara had noticed that all of his fellow former Akatsuki members were here with some of the worlds kindest people. After ten minutes of asking around he found out what really happens when a shinobi dies. This made him instantly regret all the times he wished, prayed, and wanted Tobi to die, and also the paid assassinations, which had all failed, and now he was glad of that fact.

Hidan looked up at the rocks that made up his eternal prision, they were very boring to look at. Hidan worshiped Jushin, so he could not die, mainly because Jashin didn't want to make an after life, because he hated all his worshipers. Immortality is worse than death, just like in hidans case it has many down sides, like being stuck under tons of rocks as a head. Hidan was wondering what would happen if he lost his faith in Jushin. Then Jushin told him; all the pain he has ever felt in his life will be gathered and he fill feel it for the next ten days, and then you will relive the life of your most hated person, Tobi, and then you will be reborn as a weasel. Hidan thought about the two possibilities; being trapped for all of time or intense pain, lief as Tobi, then being a weasel... "Jushin In don't belive in you any more." "AAAAAA the pain, AAAAAA the joy of Tobi, AAAAAAA I'm still Tobi, AAAAAAAA... wait I'm a ferret, Jushin lied I wanted to be a weasel."

Some find the whole idea of all being togeather in heaven is wrong, but when they find out that they can get revenge most change thier minds. Kimimaru wanted to have a decent death, not hat he got, in heaven he was mocked by all who watched his fight with Gaara and Lee, he then ran off crying, it is rumored that he is now hiding with Kakuzu.

Jiraiya had been to heaven twice, once because of Tsunade, the other because of Naruto going four-tails, he didn't stay there for long because he wanted to finish his greatest book. As he started sinking into the waters he had thought of the title of his best book, and for some strange reason, he just kept sinking, not dying, this made his alert, he started to notice that he didn't need to breathe, or feel pain, so he started to swim to safety. The list of heaven occupants suddenly shortened, Jiraiya was not dead. When he realised this, his first thought was what would Tsunade do to him for making her worry so much, this scared him, so he dicided to lay low for a while, maybe gather infomation for a new paridise book.

the end of the Basics

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Please note that this is an intro chapter, the real story will start in the next one, thank you for reading and please review.

P.S Jiraiya can't die, he is not allowed to die, if his body is destroyed his spirit will live on in every perverted ninja, in every toad master, and he will be reborn, although he is not dead, yet. (The manga has not shown him dead, and Wikipedia does not say that he is dead, so I say he is not.)


	2. Chapter 2

The second installment of Shinobi Heaven, a NUMA-WAFFLE story, I have been upgraded into KING NUMA-WAFFLE, not sure what's new, but I am just better.

Thanks to Beezleboss for the review, EVERYONE ELSE REVIEW.

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Chapter 2 Adapting to death

Most people take time adapting to the fact that they are dead, especially the people who were killed in their sleep. Jiraiya didn't have this problem, because he was not dead, his will power re-brought him back to life when he was sinking into the watery battle field. He had washed up on a women's beach his first thought was "I guess I did die, well heaven looks nice." He started to feel all the pain from his wounds, the shock of Pein's true identity kept the pain away. He then realized that he was not dead and in heaven, all the women were ignoring him. He thought about his greatest book and finishing it, he then saw even more beautiful women, "The book is now on hold, HELLO GIRLYS COME TO JIRAIYA!"

SLAP. "Yes I'm still alive."

Sasori had returned to his flesh and blood form, this was not to his liking, the wooden body which he was so accustom to over the years had all the weapons for any situation, and now he only had flesh, bones and blood. "Warmth, I forgot what it felt like, it's so…warm."

"What is Sasori-sempai?"

"The feeling of the sunlight, I forgot what it was like to feel with real skin, it is so strange."

"Really, well, so this is our after life, it's a bit different from what I expected, a lot less flames and bad things."

"Are you so unprepared that you didn't know what Heaven looked like?"

"HEAVEN, so all the bad things I did have been forgotten?"

"No you foolish boy, good and bad meet in the same place, it would be horrible if how you lived determined where you wound up, imagine hundreds of kind people running around, they would all get so bored that they'd try and kill themselves. All the evil people in one place, the place would have no victims, so sad that world would be."

"Hey Sasori-sempai, why did it take you so long to get here, I mean if we all meet in the same place?"

"Well it took the organizers of bodies a long time to find my original body, why do you think you have a whole body and not fragments?"

"I didn't really think about it much, so where were you the whole time, if you didn't have a body?"

"In a giant waiting room, it was so boring, I wished I could have done something besides count the green tiles and how many pink penguins there were."

"Well how many were there?"

"None, I just thought of random things to count, most of them didn't exist, I mean it was just a waiting room, not a zoo. There was nothing to do; I only kept my sanity by watching my life flash before my eyes."

"Doesn't that happen as you die?"

"Do you have any idea how long I have lived, I think Kakuzu will still have his flashing until next year."

"How did you know he had died?"

"I AM SASORI; I have guessed that he would have been killed, being the weakest of us and also being the greedy failed medical ninja that he was, and I saw him being dragged into here. Who killed you by the way?"

"Itachi's brother, I used my giant suicide special attack, and he lived somehow, I think that someone up there… around here really wants him to stay alive."

"Well I don't want him and Itachi here for all eternity, Sasuke wouldn't shut up."

"Hey honey do you want to go out with a real man?"

"Ok let me know when he gets here."

"You're looking at him!"

"Ha you're over 60, like you'll ever get a date with us."

"Hey I'm only 53, and besides I haven't told you who I am yet, I am the Gallant Jiraiya, mighty toad Sannin!"

"Oh in that case could you buy me a drink?"

"Sure." (In his mind; works every time! I am brilliant.)

Later as Jiraiya was going to pay, he remembered that he had copies of his books with him: "Here you go, and keep the change."

"Sir you gave me a sighed copy of Jiraiyas book, if you were the author I could accept it."

"But that is me, look inside, the picture is me!"

"No you're older, at least ten years older."

"Ok well what if I was to give you the new book as well?"

"The last one was three years ago."

"Oh really, then I guess you don't need this one." Holds out the new book, a holy chorus is sung, the waiter finally sees that it is Jiraiya, snatches the book: the same way starving children do to food, and then pushed them out of the shop.

"Sasori-sempai what was it like to change your body into a puppet?"

"One of the greatest moments in my entire life, I was complete; it's the same as when you built your ultimate work of art."

"Well I was not too happy, I was celebrating, but I knew I was going to die."

"Well I was not too happy with building parts and then hacking off the real parts. Do you have any idea how painful it is to chop off your strong arm?"

"No, and I don't want to know, but I've had both painfully removed."

"That's not the same!"

"How is that not the same?"

"Because I said so, and what I say is absolute!"

"Then why were you not the Leader of Akatsuki?"

"Because I let someone else be, for I AM SASORI!"

"That's makes no sense."

"You just lack the logic needed for it to make sense."

"NO ONE HAS THAT KIND OF LOGIC!"

"I do for I AM SASORI!"

"Are you going to answer all questions like that?"

"Yes for I AM SA-."

"Hey what's that?"

"What, oh that's"- THWACK- "MY KIDNEY!"

"Sasori-sempai I found your flesh forms weakness!"

"What was that for?"

"You were irritating me, and now I can hurt you without the use of Chakra or my clay."

"Ha but now you don't have any clay." – THWACK –"MY KIDNEY!"

"Hey what do you do in the afterlife anyway?"

"Lots of things, you can talk, eat and play games."

"That's a lot like being alive."

"So what's your point?"

End of chapter 2

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PLEASE REVIEW, the next chapter will be posted soon 


	3. Chapter 3

This is a funny story (if you don't find it funny in anyway, I will pay for your petrol so that you can go to a good rehab.)

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For everyone who requested Sakumo, your wish has been granted.

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Chapter 3 Things to do when you're dead

The legendary White fang, Sakumo Hatake was in heaven, after saving his team members lives, but at the cost of the mission. All of Konoha hated him, even the people who he had saved; this caused him to kill himself. He was in Heaven, and in charge of the safety and security of Heaven, not that he really cared. Whenever people started to fight his team was there to keep it from getting out of hand. His team was: himself, the 4th and newly added Haku, who replaced Hanzo. His team specialized in speed and power, capturing and stopping all who disrupt the peace.

Unfortunately a group of people had found Kakuzu, he had gratuitously and painfully killed them, and their families, their pets, and all acquaintances; and he was in trouble. The ancient shinobi could not withstand the might of so many people, when in heaven you can't die but can still feel pain.

As soon as the security team found out about the fight they were there. Some of the fastest ninja with powerful techniques can stop any fight. Haku used his bloodline limit to freeze a section of attackers, Minato used his speed to get Kakuzu away safely and keeping him restrained. Sakumo used ninja wire to stop all others in the area.

Jiraiya was having trouble with the fact that he was still alive, he thought that his purpose was over: train Naruto, do a godfathers duty, and discover the true identity of Pein. He knew that he would have to die soon; Pein would find out that he was still alive, or Tsunade would kill him for making her worry so much, he knew that Pein would hurt less. Tsunade had a twisted sense of humor when it came to punishment. She would beat you senseless; heal you back to normal, and when you try to move she would break that part; legs, arms, jaw, ribs, organs, whatever could not move fast enough to get out of her way.

I wonder if Tsunade would fight Pein over who gets to kill me. Thought the toad Sannin as he climbed the stairs to his hotel room, he also thought that it was lucky that he still had some of Naruto's money with him.

If Pein kills me my body will become one of his and that might be very bad, he would use me good looks to get more female followers. I should just lay low for a while, and hope that neither ever locates me.

The next morning Jiraiya started walking to the next town, not knowing which it was, but after asking, knew in which direction it was in. He had a good feeling about the surrounding area, it felt safe and welcoming.

BOOM, yelling and other fighting noises.

And here I thought today would be peaceful and full of young hot women. Jiraiya thought to himself as he ran off in the direction of the fighting.

"Banish him!"

"Torture him."

"Let us get our revenge!"

"EVERYONE CALM DOWN! I can't banish him, but he will be tied here for the next 200 years, you can do almost anything to him, but he must stay up here. Now if you would like to start the buckets of excrement are on your left and the spiky planks of wood are on your left.

You may only do one thing to him every week, due to the vast number of people wanting revenge. But to make things fair, there will be new things every day. Thank you that is all; let the revenge begin."

"Sasori why are you doing this, set me free!"

"I have had a change of heart. (Whispers: and besides I don't want to end up like you, I asked for forgiveness, and I plan on stealing some things later today, but you can't help me so bye.)

"He's lying, he just told me."

"And who are you going to believe, me a person who has done nothing to you, or him the one who ruined your lives?"

"I HATE YOU, ouch, stop, ouch, no not the bucket, NOOOOOO!"

"Give the Jinchuriki to me now."

"I will not let you near him."

A few minutes later, Tsunade is releasing her stored Chakra, Naruto is going 3 tails, and Pein is using all 6 of his bodies, the fight of two on six is perfectly matched. Tsunade keeping the fat Pein and two others busy, while Naruto was using his speed, burning Chakra and demon Rasengan to attack the others.

"Did I tell you how I killed Jiraiya, so pitiful, but you two will be joining him soon enough."

"No, he can't be dead; he should have been able to beat you."

"Yet here I am, about to kill you, and take Kyuubi out of your weak body."

"I-I-I-WILL-KILL-YOU, how dare you say that ERO-SANNIN is dead, he is on a completely different league than you."

The fight starts getting too much for the Konoha warriors; panic is visible on Tsunade's face for s split second, that was all Pein needed, he forwarded his attack all on her.

"Naruto, Tsunade don't panic, don't fear, I the gallant, super sexy, astounding, perfection in person, super good with the ladies, toad Sannin Jiraiya is still alive, I knew that you would need

my help so I rushed her as soon as I could. I may have been badly wounded, but when I was fighting him I found out his true Identity."(Strikes lame pose.) "Why is everyone looking at me angrily?"

"Why can't you die? You should be dead!" Pein(s) yelled.

"Do you know what trouble you have caused, you left a few weeks ago, and you gave Naruto his key, he's not ready. What were you thinking?" The slug summoning super strong woman said.

"That's my wallet, Gama-chan's empty; you used all my ramen money!" Yelled Naruto as his 4th tail began to grow.

"It looks like I must use THAT TECHNIQUE, to escape death this time, note to self: stop talking out loud when my life is on the line."

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The story continues later, when I post the next chapter, please review, any review is welcome, even if you just want to compare petrol prices.


	4. Chapter 4: Why me

Thanks to all how read this, and a SUPER THANKS, and a SUPER COOKIE to those who review.  
This is chapter four of my Shinobi Heaven, this will tell us what Zabuza and Haku are doing in Heaven, and how the pervy sage is doing... I miss him, anyway, please Read and Review this story.

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Shinobi Heaven chapter 4: Why Me?

"Why me, why do I always end up like this?" said the perverted toad Sannin, as he ran for his life, "I can't remember the last two hand seals for 'THAT TECHNIQUE'!"  
"GET BACK HERE!" Yelled his pursuers as they gained ever closer.

"Have you done it?"  
"Mmm… one more, I can't find him."  
"Well I can help, just ask."  
No, I must do this on my own, I could find them when they were alive and so I should be able to find them now."  
"I'm glad that you have changed."  
"I'm glad that I can be with you, my friend, and I'm sorry for how I treated you when we were alive, Haku."  
"It's okay, I forgave you, now stop apologizing."

Zabuza and Haku had adjusted to Heaven quickly, and had decided to apologize to all of those who they had hurt. Haku's list was complete. Zabuza still had one more person to ask forgiveness, he could not find him. 'Gota, I will find you, I must find you.' He thought to himself, I want to see his face when he sees me in Heaven.

Gota was very hard to find, after asking nearly everyone in Heaven they found out that he was still in the waiting area. He would not be allowed in; his soul had some complicated issues. During his life, he had hired someone to kill a religious leader, the leader gave a pray with his dying breath, Gota must never find peace.

"You don't understand, I must see him, I need to tell him that… he should have died more painfully."  
"So do a lot of people, but he can never come into Heaven."  
"Are you trying to see Gota too?"  
"Yes, I want to apologize for killing him."  
"You killed him, you are my hero and I thank you from the bottom of my heart."  
"I only did it because he disrespected Hakus' body, and tried to kill me."  
"Well if you really need to see him, you could go to the _**Elder Counsel of Elderly Elders**__**.**_"  
"And how are the Elder Counsel of Elderly Elders?"  
"No, they are the _**Elder Counsel of Elderly Elders**_, they are in charge of the public relations and entrance into Heaven."  
"Well how can we see them."  
"You must pass a test."

"Why, why can't I remember?"  
"Stop running now and we will go easy on you."  
"No we won't, Naruto you must really learn how to be revengeful."  
"Yes, give into the power of your beast; let the Kyuubi take full control."  
'No Naruto, don't do it, remember all the things I taught you during the years of training."  
"…GET BACK HERE!"  
"Why me, why does this always happen to me?"

"So what is this test?"  
"You must prove that you are worthy."  
"And how do I do that?"  
"Don't interrupt me; I was taking a breath, hoping that it would create dramatic tension. Now I feel like I should not tell you."  
"Zabuza let me handle this. I am Haku, a member of the Heaven Security Corps; I demand that you tell us what we need to know."  
"Well when you put it that way, all I can say is… ok."  
"Ok, what?"  
"I was pausing for dramatic effect, stop interrupting me. Ok, now you must go through the path of Destiny."  
"Well where is it?"  
"I was pausing again. Here it is." –Claps twice, a huge metal door appears out of the ground.  
"Well what are you waiting for?"  
"I thought that you were pausing for dramatic effect again."  
"Why would I do that?"  
"Never mind, Haku let's go."  
Zabuza and Haku entered the strange doorway, into an arena. It was full of traps and had a large group of shadowy figures; all were heavily armored and had lots of weapons.  
"They look just like…"

After two days of running, Naruto got bored, and wanted Ramen, so he stopped chasing Jiraiya, but Tsunade and the six Peins were not giving up. Jiraiya had finally remembered the hand seals that he needed for 'THAT TECHNIQUE', he also remembered that he needed to be standing completely still for about ten minutes to do it. He had to rely of his summons to stall his pursuers.

"They look just like…us."  
"And the group we fought on the bridge."

Zabuza and Haku looked at their opponents, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi and themselves. It would be a tough fight. They slowly made their way down to the arena; they could see all the people that they had killed in the stands.

It was a method that the arena used to make the real combatants uneasy and mess up. It also took the group of people who proved the biggest challenge and made you go up against several groups of them. It also made you go up against yourself; it was a way to make sure that you can't win; you can't beat someone who knows your moves before you do them.

The fight was underway, they fought for about a day, and the real Zabuza and Haku could not win: every move was countered or dodged. The only things that kept them going was each other, the determination that Zabuza had to finish his list, and the crowd cheering them on.  
"We forgave you, we know that you can do it."  
"If you could kill me, I don't know why you can't beat those small kids."

"Zabuza I know what we must do."  
"Tell me, as long as you don't pause for dramatic effect."  
"We must…"

Jiraiya had summoned nearly every frog that he could, if the frogs could just keep them busy for long enough he will be able to use his ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE: **'SU-PA-DENKITEKI-URURTORA-KAWAZU-KYANON-BAKUFUU'**. (Super legendary ultra frog cannon blast.)

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Please Read it and Review it, I will not give you a max limit as to how many times you can read and/or review it, but there is a minimum limit of one.  
It will take me some time to update, as I am currently working on ten stories. (Sorry everyone.)


	5. Chapter 5

This is **probably** the final chapter for Shinobi Heaven. And is my way of comming to terms with Jiraiyas death.

Please read and review.

This is my 53rd chapter.

If I get enough reviews I will carry on writting about what happens in heaven...

Thank you for your support in this story

Thanks to **ninbunny alchemist** for the support.

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Please note that my usual YELL will not take place in this chapter as it is a sad chapter for me... it is painful for one of your favorite characters to die when you are the killer.

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**If you want very good Naruto stories please look at Dar1us, Beezleboss and Mephiles, you will not be dissapointed**.

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Chapter 5 Finally

"I know what to do. We must accept our deaths."  
"What! I already have… I know that I'm dead."  
"Just stand still."

The real Haku and Zabuza are sliced in half by a fake Zabuza, the clones then vanish. The crowd applauded and cheered, the gate keeper then congratulated them and said that they had done it the quickest, he also told them that they could go and see Gota.  
"Finally." The former hidden mist swordsman said as they walked through a new door.

Jiraiya was ten seconds away from completing his ultimate technique, Tsunade and the Peins were stuck in his 'Swamp of the underworld' and 'Mountain Frog Esophagus' Techniques, he was nearly ready. He had enough Chakra and finished the hand seals, now he just needed to aim and time it right.

Heavens waiting room was clean and white, with red chairs, the kind of chairs that have that grey plastic leg and arm combined thing. Haku and Zabuza walked further down through the waiting room, after about ten minutes a door opened and a strange shadow pulled the two friends inside. When their eyes finally adjusted to the light they saw Gota chained up to the far wall, electricity and flames passing through his body at timed intervals. This sight made the two very happy that they had standards: like not killing monks. Gota had not seen them enter, but the shadow figure changed form into that of a monk.

"So you two are this mans' greatest fear, well it is a pleasure to meet you, I am Hiro and I was the monk that he killed that prayed for his suffering. I am in charge of everything related to Gota. Now why have you come to see him?"

"We are apologizing to everyone that we have ever harmed or killed, he is my last. Can I please speak to him?  
"I guess so. Here let me wake him up."  
The monk hits a button and seven metal spikes pierce Gota, he lets out a painful scream and opens his eyes slightly, as soon as he sees Zabuza he smiles and laughs.  
"I see that it is finally your time to suffer!" The dead crime boss said as he spat at his killer.  
"No I'm here to ask for forgiveness, and to tell you than I' sorry for killing you."  
"Ha, you are a weakling, asking for forgiveness, you are pathetic, you must be proud of what you have done!"  
"The only thing I am proud of is killing you. You are stuck here for eternity, whilst I am free to go, I can go to Heaven!"  
"WHAT! That is not possible! You killed hundreds, you should be right here next to me!"  
"No, I had standards, morals and I died protecting Hakus' body. You died, you deserved it, you killed that monk and now you will suffer."

Jiraiya aimed his technique, he could only do this once, it was a forbidden technique, one that would kill the user and the target. Not even Orochimaru could survive, even if he worshipped Jashin as well.  
"Finally, I have a lock on all of his bodies. Tsunade! I have always loved you, and always will! Tell naruto that I could not be more proud of him, and tell him that I could not have had a better pupil or godchild. Tell the women of Konoha that I will miss their bodies! I should have ended this weeks ago! Pein I have found all of your bodies, and now I will destroy them!"  
"NO JIRAIYA not that technique!"  
"I'm sorry Tsunade, but I must stop Pein."

Kakuzu was now one of the most depressed people in Heaven; he had been stuck in the public torture area for a few weeks now and the punishments were getting worse. There had been everything from acids to excrement, daggers to swords, creatures to deboning. At the end of each day he was healed then the torment would begin again.

Beams of light burst forth from the toad hermit, one for each of Peins bodies, the Peins screamed in agony. The bodies were then sucked into Jiraiyas body, and then the light was gone.  
"Jiraiya how are you still alive?"  
"I have not yet done my duties. Tsunade I love you, tell everyone that I will miss them. In your bedroom, in your hidden sake cupboard I have hidden my last Icha Icha story, and my final story, a story about our Naruto, not the fictional one. Please see to it that both are published, and give Naruto his one as my present to him on his eighteenth."  
"No, you can't die again, not in front of me, or ever, you must live!"  
"…I'm sorry, but...when did I ever listen to you…ha, well…now I can…see…Minato and Sensei again… I will miss yo-"  
"NO, don't say it, you will live, you have to live!"  
"I wish… I could… but this…technique… is not…done yet. I wanted to be… a...hero…well at least… I can…die the…way I wanted… doing something good…"  
"NO YOU WILL NOT DIE!"  
"Good bye, Princess Tsunade."  
Jiraiya burst into green Chakra particles, they retained his form for a few moments and in that time his hands reached out and grabbed Tsunades' breasts and squeezed gently. The Chakra Jiraiya smiled and vanished, leaving the crying Tsunade behind.  
The list of Heavens population grew; Jiraiya had finally finished his duties, died the way of a hero and saved the world.

Konoha had lost three of its greatest men, all who had died for the sake of Konoha and the world. The village now turned to Naruto, to take up the mantle that had been left for him and lead Konoha to greatness.

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Jiraiya got a suitable death, so I am happy-ish( I would prefer it if he came back to life.)  
Please read and review.


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